Bunty Takes Sanctuary at the Manor

 

 THE GIRLS GO FOR A SPA DAY

Crichton is a sweetie. He booked me a spa day at Ponsbury Hall. I think he’s trying to make it up to me for something that I don't know about yet.

I rang Bunty and Sally and they were delighted to come along and keep me company. Monica was taking Vespasian to their shared ukulele lesson (I never thought she would bother to learn after all that New Year’s Eve bragging) so it’ll be just the three of us. They said we could pick our treatments when we got there, but I had my heart set on a massage for me and maybe a facial too.

Ponsbury Hall is one those places that if you’ve been once, you just can’t wait to get back to. Monica used to say something similar about that place near Henley. She just went on and on and on about it until everyone started calling it Chapped Knees and she went all quiet on us.

Anyway, the girls met me at reception for green tea and a bath robe while we flicked through the brochure to pick our treatments. A Drift Away back neck and shoulder for me, followed by the Resurgence Renewal facial - guaranteed to combat lines, wrinkles and loss of elasticity, and rebalance my dull skin. Sally went for a chocolate facial, Indian Head Massage and pedicure. Bunny would have had the same but there was special offer on the Detoxifying Seaweed Wrap if she took the ten o’clock appointment.

Willow, the therapist was keen to sell it.‘You can lose up to ten inches overall,’ she cooed. Bunty was hooked, and Willow was reeling her in like a minnow on a salmon line. ‘There’s complimentary eye brow threading with it too?’

That little Australian upward inflexion was too much for Bunty, she signed the consent form and was whisked away, bundled up in her terry towelling robe and complimentary slippers. Sally and I drank our tisane and discussed other people’s husbands until Evie and Sue, our therapists, came to collect us.

I’ve always found getting onto a massage table somewhat awkward. The question of where to stow the boobs and what to do with one’s hands is always a puzzle, but once in position, I settled down for a comfortable hour of pampering. So warm…so relaxing… My shoulders have always been tense. It must be living with Crichton. Evie’s hands smoothed away all my cares and I felt a wonderful calm settle upon me like a dove from on high.

‘I’ll just leave you there to relax for a few minutes,’ said Evie when she'd finished. ‘I’ll be back with a glass of water once you’ve had a chance to recover.

I must have dozed off.

A screeching bell woke me…the fire alarm. Any member of the Trehorlicks family knows that sound too well to waste time asking questions. I grabbed my robe, stuffed my feet into my slippers and headed for the emergency exit at top speed. Here I met a security man with a clip board who ushered me into the car park and told me not to panic or run. I would have stopped to tell him that it was not in my nature to do either, but as time was of the essence, thought better of it. Sally, was there before me, face smothered in chocolate, and cotton rolls between her toes. 

But where was Bunty? 

I could see Willow talking to the man with the clip board who was looking around with a worried face.

Never return to a burning building. Isn’t that what they say?

Well Sally and I weren’t going to let our chum fry…besides there was no fire to be seen so we felt ourselves reasonably safe to go and look for her. Before we could act upon our heroic intensions, the door was flung open and a hideous figure appeared. It took us a while to recognise poor Bunty naked but for a slick of green algae, one hundred meters of cling film, and a pair of paper pants. She hopped towards us across the lawn... a surreal mix of a prep school    sack race and The Creature from the Black Lagoon. Any idea of rescuing our friend from the flames vanished, as we reached for our mobile phones and videoed her finally crashing to the ground and rolling about on the grass. It would take more than a Resurgence Renewal Facial to get rid of my laughter lines that day. Evie arranged  a full refund and complimentary vouchers to come back another day. Sally and I said we’d go home and check our diaries before booking a rematch. I’m not sure that Bunty will bother.

Crichton Comments

Looks like the Spa day went well.

Managed NOT to mention anti-wrinkle or youth regeneration products, even though they were included in the deal.

I thought I’d die laughing when Cynthia told me about poor Bunty. I’d have given good money to see her… Couldn’t have happened to a nicer girl.